The night that Spike and Giles got drunk.
by Sanguinary
Summary: Spike and Giles get drunk out of their minds and end up daring each other to do crazy things. Co-written by Hockeyfreak. Please R&R.


The Night Spike and Giles Got Drunk  
  
Writen by Sanguinary and Rastapopolus  
  
Disclamer: We do not own Buffy & co- Josh does. We do not own the Bee Gees,   
Austin Powers & Co, South Park, Vangaboys, Pokemon, Simpsons, X-Files, MIB,   
Harry Potter, Casper, Silverchair, Angel, Budweiser comercials or anything   
else in this story that doesn't belong to us.They belong to some one else.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A quieter night than most had settled over the town. It seemed that during   
summer the demon activity dropped to a low. Giles and Spike were busy   
eating wheatabix and washing it down with their good friend Jack Daniels on   
a ship run by Captain Morgan.   
  
Suddenly Spike turned to Giles and said, "Why don't we play a game."   
  
"Play a game? Are you nuts?" Giles glared at Spike. Well, he tried to but   
at this point in the drinking, Giles just managed to look confused.   
  
"I'm bored out of my skull and I want to do something." Spike was only   
mildly drunk. Being a vampire meant that he could drink five truck drivers   
under the table before he was completely smashed. "Besides," Spike   
continued, "This is boring. I want to do something!"  
  
Giles thought for a moment that then he was struck by an idea. "Why don't   
we take turns giving each other dares?"  
  
"Achoo! smashing idea old chap." replied Spike while throwing an empty   
liquor bottle to the floor.  
  
"Be careful you blood sucker, glass takes forever to get out of the   
carpet." snapped Giles.  
  
"Good now that I have your attention let's play!"  
  
"Yay! Now which Harry Potter book are we reading?" Giles reached under his   
couch and pulled out a stack of books, all which happened to be Harry Potter   
books. Spike grabbed the books out of Giles' hands and threw them out the   
window, making a huge hole in the glass.  
  
"We're now reading you dimwit, we're playing truth or dare."  
  
"Oh, Ya."  
  
"Now, truth or dare?"   
  
Giles twisted his face into a look of concentration. "Um...I chose you,   
Picachu."  
  
"Never mind! You're too drunk to play truth or dare."  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Oh ya"  
  
"Ya, I choose Dare."  
  
"Okay I dare you to light a bag of dog crap on fire, knock on Joyce's door   
then run away."  
  
" You're on!"  
  
So the two some went to find the materials and then met at Joyce's house.   
Spike got Giles ready then rehearsed with him once.  
  
"Okay, now light the bag, run to the door, knock and run away."  
  
"Okay." Giles did what he had to do then staggered to where spike hid. As   
they watched A hairy, Scottish, cartoon character in a kilt opened the door   
and yelled,"Ack, keep off the grass!" He then walked back into the house.  
  
"Oops!" said Spike, "Wrong house."  
  
Spike turned to Giles and said," Ok. We'll try this again."  
  
"But you already had your turn! Now it's mine!"  
  
"You went to the wrong house. So it doesn't count!"  
  
"Does too!"  
  
"Does not!"  
  
"Does too!"  
  
"Does not!"  
  
"DOES TOO!"  
  
"DOES NOT!"  
  
"All right! It's your turn."  
  
"I dare you to phone Buffy and say that you love her"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Yes!'  
  
"No!"  
  
"I had to do that thing to Joyce." Giles stopped beside a phone-booth and   
he dug though his pockets looking for a quarter. When he found one, he   
gave it to Spike and pushed him into the phone booth.  
  
"Oh, fine but I'm not saying my name. What's her phone number?" Spike asked   
while he reached for the phone.  
  
"555-6758" Giles recited as he pulled a flash of whiskey out of his other   
pocket.  
  
"555-6758?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Wazzaaapp?just called to say I think that your sexy and I really like you."  
  
"Who is this?" asked a male voice.  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"This is Xander Harris. Who are y-CLICK."  
  
"I'm going to kill you!"  
  
"Why."  
  
"That wasn't Buffy! That was Xander!"  
  
"It was? Oh Ya Buffy's number is 555-6759, sorry 'bout that."  
  
"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG!" Spike screamed and punched the phone booth. "OW! OW!   
OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT HURT!" He shook his hand and winced.  
  
Meanwhile a young boy with bright yellow skin, wearing shorts, a shirt and   
vest, pointed a finger a Spike and said,"Ha Ha!"  
  
Spike straightened up and turned to Giles. "Right, now it's my turn Watcher.   
I dare you to shoot at the next annoying child we see."  
  
"B-b-b-but that's illegal!"   
  
"Not in Sunnyhell. Look!" Spike pulled an old piece of paper out of his   
pocket and unfolded it. Then he gave it to Giles.  
  
"Law number 515- Any annoying child may be shot on sight. By order of Mayor.   
All right. Let's go get my crossbow."  
  
So Giles and Spike arrived at Giles home after almost being run over by a   
bunch of annoying teenagers in a bus that said 'Venga Boys' on the side.   
Spike wanted to kill them but Giles pointed out that the law only let them   
kill children.   
  
Giles retrieved his crossbow and they set off down the street, looking for   
annoying children to kill. Suddenly Spike stopped and said, "What's that   
over there?"  
  
A young boy wearing a baseball cap, blue pants, white shirt and a blue vest   
was standing on the other side of the street, holding a red and white ball   
in his hand.   
  
"Go Ditto!" The boy flung the ball and it opened up to reveal a pink jelly   
like blob  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Screamed Giles and he fired an arrow at the boy. But he   
stepped aside at the last moment and it hit another boy wearing a bright   
orange snowsuit. Suddenly two other boys appeared behind him. The fat one   
yelled, "You killed Kenny!"   
  
But Giles was too busy reloading the crossbow. "DIE!!!!!" He screamed and   
then fired another arrow at the boy who threw the ball. This time it hit   
and he fell down dead. A boy and a girl in colour-coordinated outfits   
walked up behind the boy and yelled gleefully, "He's dead! And this time   
Picachu isn't here to revive you! Team Rocket wins!" The girl and boy did a   
victory dance until Giles shot them both.  
  
"Nice shot, Watcher!" Spike walked over to the bodies and sucked the blood   
out of them.   
  
"Now it's my turn! I dare you to dye your hair neon glow in the dark   
green."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Okay let's go to Harry's Very Hairy Stop-n-Shop." They then went to the   
shop.  
  
"Hello I'd like to dye my hair neon glow-in-the-dark green."  
  
"Come this way." The man sat Spike down at a chair and began to dye it.   
When he finished Spike's head looked very much like a head of lettuces.  
  
"Now will that be cash or charge?" asked the man.  
  
"We have to pay! I didn't bring any money!" Yelled Spike.  
  
"Me either." said Giles.  
  
The man got very mad and then turned into a big slimey worm thing. Two men   
dressed in all black suits burst in the door. The white guy pulled out a   
big gun and the black guy pulled out a tiny gun. They fired and the   
worm thing burst open leaving only yellow slimy stuff on all of them.  
  
"Oh great! Yelled Spike. You got slimy stuff on me!" The two men wearing   
black looked at Spike and Giles. The white guy pulled a pen-like thing out   
of his pocket and aimed it at them.   
  
"Look at the birdie." Said the white guy.  
  
"Run!" yelled Giles. They ran until the men weren't chasing them then and   
they found themselves in front of the town fountain. They jumped into it   
and washed the yellow guts off of their clothes.  
  
"Oh great now we're soaked! What will we do now?" Asked Spike.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I know I dare you to steal some clothes for both of us."  
  
"That's illegal isn't it!"  
  
"Ya, but we really need the clothes."  
  
"Oh, okay but we better not be caught." They went down the street until   
they came to a shop. The sign read Disco Stu's clothing store.  
  
"These will have to do." Said Spike.  
  
"Okay I'll be right back." Giles went into the shop, looked around then   
started picking the clothes. When Disco Stu went into the back Giles   
grabbed the rest of the clothes and ran out the door.  
  
"Let's go!" Yelled Giles. They ran to an alley then started to change.  
  
"Bright orange and Purple! Couldn't you do better Watcher!"  
  
"I just grabbed the clothes and ran."  
  
"Now they're too big! What size are they?"  
  
"X-L, I didn't know what size you were."   
  
"Do I look like an X-L?" Giles tried to focus on Spike but there seemed to   
be more than on of him.  
  
"Well it would help if you would tell me which one of you I was suppose to   
get clothing for!"  
  
Spike sighed and looked at the horrendous clothing he was wearing. "Well, at   
least I'm not wearing yellow-green and bright red like you."  
  
"Now what do we do?"  
  
"It's your turn Watcher."  
  
"Ok," Giles walked out into the open and looked around. "I dare you to go   
the Bronze and get them to play a disco song and you have to dance and   
sing to it!"  
  
"That isn't fair!"  
  
"But you have to do it."  
  
"Fine, but I'm going to get you for this."  
  
As they made their way to the Bronze, they were almost run over by a van   
that resembled a big furry brown dog. When they entered the Bronze, Spike   
went up to the bar and requested the strongest drink that they had while   
Giles requested 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.  
  
Spike walked up to the stage and began to sing and dance. When the song was   
done Spike kept on dancing. When the second song was over Giles went up on   
stage and dragged Spike off.  
  
"Hey why did you do that? I was having fun."  
  
"Willow and Tara were in the audience and they were taking pictures of you."  
  
"What!!!!!" Spike whipped his head in the direction that Giles was pointing.   
Tara and Willow were giggling crazily while they waved at Spike. Spike   
blushed bright red and scowled at Giles. "You are so going to pay!"  
  
"How much?" Asked Giles as he pulled his wallet out.  
  
"You mean you had money! Why didn't you pay that guy who dyed my hair?"  
  
"Because I didn't like him."  
  
"You didn't like him! We're wearing disco clothes because you didn't like   
him!"  
  
"Cool down man you're making a scene and Tara and Willow are taking   
pictures."  
  
"I'm not making a scene! Oh wait, I am making a scene. Let's get out of   
here."  
  
Giles and Spike left the Bronze and headed towards the University.   
  
"I dare you to moon Buffy!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Yes! You have too!"  
  
"B-b-but that's no fair!"  
  
"Too bad."  
  
"Can I at least wear a paper bag over my head?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please! I'll give you my wallet!"  
  
"Well... all right. Now hand it over."  
  
Giles gave his wallet to Spike. When they reached the University, Giles   
pulled a McDonalds bag over his head. They walked up the stairs to Buffy's   
room.  
  
"Knock on the door and when she opens the door, moon her and then get out   
of there as fast as you can." Giles walked up to the door and rapped on it.  
  
"One moment." Buffy's voice came from inside. Giles tuned around and   
loosened his pants. He heard the door swing open and he dropped his pants   
while bending over.  
  
"What the?"   
  
"Oh crap!" Giles ran for it as he heard Angel's voice behind him. But he   
had forgotten to pull up his pants and he tripped on the carpet. Spike   
stood at the end of the hall, laughing and pointing at Giles.  
  
"Rupert?" Angel poked his head out of the door and looked at poor Giles   
lying on the carpet with his bright red pants around his ankles.  
  
"No, I'm um..um.. I'm Casper the not-so friendly ghost and i'm uh...uh..   
hey! What are you doing at Buffy's place?"  
  
"Um...Um..Umm... Nothing! That's it! I'm doing nothing at all."   
  
"Same here! I was doing nothing too!"  
  
"So, we were both doing nothing right. " Angel pulled Giles off of the   
floor.   
  
"Of course! Nothing." Giles nodded his head while his pulled his pants up.  
  
Angel nodded his head and he stepped back into Buffy's. When he closed the   
door, Spike walked over to Giles.  
  
"Do you think that back together watcher?"  
  
"Of course not! Well at least I don't think that they're back together."  
  
"Well I for one think there is a little something going on. I think that   
it's time that we turned in Watcher. Anyway, the sun's going to come up in a   
few hours so I'd like to go to my little crypt before I turn into a big   
pile of dust."  
  
"Hey you went first. That means I still have one more dare left!"  
  
"I hoped that you would forget about that."  
  
"I dare you to dress in drag and go dance at the Psychedelic Pussy Cat's   
Club!"  
  
"No! Never!"  
  
"You have to! Unless you want to stay in the sun for a minute."  
  
"Oh, okay. But only cause I have to."  
  
"Let's see if Willow and Tara are still out. If they are we'll borrow a   
dress."   
  
They then went to Willow's and borrowed a dress. It was a sixties costume.   
They also borrowed a necklace, shoes, and a blonde wig with a hat glued to   
it that was in Willow's Halloween box.Then they went to the Pussy Cat's   
Club and paid to get in.   
  
Spike looked around the room. It was filled with people of all ages in   
sixty's clothing. Giles walked off towards the bar and got a drink.  
  
"Come on! Go and dance!" Giles pushed Spike towards the dance floor.  
  
"I'm going! I'm going!" Spike walked out into the middle of the dance floor   
and ran right into another man.  
  
"Terribly sorry, baby!" The man was wearing a blue suit with a white shirt   
and a big ruffled collar. He smiled at Spike, showing off his yellowish   
teeth. "Want to dance?"   
  
"Fine."   
  
"Are you from England too?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You've got a deep voice for a woman."  
  
"Runs in the family."  
  
"May I cut in." Spike turned to look at the origin of the voice. A bald man   
wearing a silver jumpsuit was standing beside him.  
  
"Dr. Evil!"  
  
"Powers, we meet again."  
  
"You can't dance with her. I found her first!"  
  
"If you don't let me dance with her, I'll hold the world hostage for...."   
The camera zoomed in on Dr. Evil's face," One million dollars! I mean, one   
billion dollars!"  
  
The Brit with the bad teeth turned to Spike and said, "Sorry baby, but it's   
for the world."  
  
Spike found himself pushed into the bald man's arms.   
  
"So my dear, do you like.....cats?"  
  
"Taste fine to me." Spike smiled cruelly at the doctor.  
  
"Dr. Evil you will never win!" The Brit with the bad teeth. He seemed to   
have changed his mind about letting Dr. Evil dance with Spike.  
  
"Oh yes I will! I have a secret weapon that you will never defeat! Mini   
Me!" A clone of the bald man came running over and head butted the Brit.   
Powers turned towards the clone and kicked it in the head, causing it to   
fall to the floor unconscious.  
  
"Take that Dr. Evil!" said the British man as he swung his fist at the bald   
man.  
  
"Missed me Powers" yelled Dr. Evil. He had stepped back at the last moment   
and then he ran towards the back of the club. Powers followed him.  
  
"Giles can we go?" asked Spike.  
  
"Yes, let's go." yelled Giles.  
  
Spike and Giles had just exited the club when the giant figure of a boy   
wearing checkerboard overalls and a white shirt, blasted up into the air.   
Giles turned to Spike and he shrugged his shoulders.   
  
"My head is going to be throbbing tomorrow."  
  
"I am not looking forwards to that."  
  
"So, same time tomorrow night?"  
  
"Your place. I'll bring the booze."  
  
And having been said, the two parted ways. One walked somewhat straight,   
the wig discarded, pale blond hair glowing in the moonlight, red and purple   
dress clinging to his body. The other staggered off towards the populated   
part of Sunnydale, his hair plastered to his head, his bright red pants and   
yellow-green shirt marking his as a disco reject.   
  
"Night Spike."  
  
"Later Watcher."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike sat up in his crypt, a marching band parading in front of his eyes.   
And the knocking at the door came again.  
  
"Coming!" Spike yelled. He stomped over to the door and stood behind the   
door as he opened it. Sunlight poured into the room and Spike could see the   
shadow of a large bulky person.  
  
"Well, what you waiting for? A bloody invitation?"  
  
"As a matter of fact...." Spike froze at the voice.  
  
"Angel?" The broody vampire in question walked into the room, out of the   
sunlight.  
  
"Spike." Angel stared at Spike's apparel," I never knew you looked that good   
in a dress."  
  
"Can it! What do you want. And why the hell can you walk in sunlight?"  
I found the most interesting item at an auction sale the other day. I   
didn't think I'd see another one of these ever. In fact, I never dreamed   
I'd see two of them."  
  
"T-t-t-two?" Spike almost choked on his own words.  
  
"Here." Angel tossed Spike a ring. The dark red and black jewel set in the   
silver band seemed to glow as it touched Spike's skin. "Lets just say you   
didn't see me at Buffy's last night. Instead, you found this jewel right   
outside the university. Sound good to you?"  
  
Spike nodded his head, silent for the first time in quite a while.  
  
Angel turned around and left, leaving Spike alone with his new-found   
freedom.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Giles blearily peered out at the world. Inside of his head, Silverchair was   
busy preforming Lie to Me, causing Giles' head to thrum like a spaceship.   
A knock came at the door.  
  
"One bloody moment!" Giles shouted, "Bloody ponce, damned poof, soddin'   
pillock, friggin wanker...."   
  
Giles muttered assorted swears under his breath until he opened the door.   
  
Standing outside the door was a man and woman. The black-haired man was and   
the red-haired woman held out badges.  
  
"F.B.I. Special agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. Can we have a word with   
you sir?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~  
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~BAAK!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END 


End file.
